Monday, July 18, 2011

i can't.

You know what I have a hard time with?
When people go around saying "I'm so depressed"  "I have the worst life, ever" "everyone hates me"       "I want to die" "I wish I wasn't like this"....
You know why?
Because, I know what it is like for all of those things to be true. I have felt it all. I have endured it all.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that people don't get sad or upset or hurt. They do.
But, to take it to such an extreme where they would cause emotional and physical harm to themselves and others is wrong. 
I don't know why or how they do it. They have no idea what it is like to be so depressed. They don't know what it is like to feel like their whole life is a nightmare. They don't know what it is like to sit down and write a suicide note to their family and their friends who the love so much, and can't really explain why they want to die, they just have to. They don't know what it is like to see their family hurt so bad after an attempted suicide. They don't plan their own funeral. 
That is what I do.
No, that is what I  did.
I can't imagine taking being happy for granted. I just can't.
Being happy is something I have had to work so hard for. It took me so long. I can't fathom why people would say that they want to die, just because they need a little attention. I don't understand. 

It hurts me to hear people fake depression. Yes, they are sad but, no they don't want to die, they want attention. 

I have put more thought into my funeral than I have into my wedding. How do you think that makes me feel? Awful. Absolutely awful. But right now, I am happy. Happier than I have ever been. 

Please, don't take being happy for granted. Because there are so many people out there who would literally kill to be happy.


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